Before straights had Tinder, Perth ’s gay male community had Grindr, Scruff, Gaydar and Manhunt. We ask the question: is monogamy dead in Perth’s gay community ?


Neil O’Connor, 32, manager of the Court Hotel

There are so many people who say monogamy is dead – that it’s unnatural and not in our biology. Well, I beg to differ. I believe that staying monogamous is a choice and only you can choose the path you lead. If you are in a true and loving monogamist relationship, no one else really matters. There may be infidelity and cheaters within the gay community, but it doesn’t mean you have to be one of them! People say it isn’t natural to be with one person for the rest of your life. I say, why not? People will sometimes find themselves attracted to others, that’s just who they are. It’s what they do with that attraction that defines them.

There are many people on social media or dating apps who are partnered but have an understanding in their relationship. I see many couples week in and out that are very comfortable with picking up new people. I ask them, why? Is there something your partner isn’t giving you? Also what happened to meeting people the old-fashioned way? Many of these apps are full of fake and deceiving profiles. It can be quite dangerous, and for what? The thrill of hooking up with a complete stranger?

Just a few months ago, a story broke of a lesbian couple in Iowa finally getting married after 72 years together – they were in their nineties, and were married holding hands in their wheelchairs. This is just adorable. After a great deal of research, I found that it’s mainly lesbian couples that have been together for many years and stayed faithful. Is it only the gay males who have a problem with monogamy?

Personally, I love nothing more than having that one man – that one man who is my best friend, lover and partner in crime. I am a hopeless romantic at heart. I enjoy having my man by my side through the good and bad times: a cuddle on the couch when it is raining; a holiday in the sun to relax and unwind; when you are sick, someone to take care of you and make you feel better. The list goes on.

For me, the intimacy you get from one partner brings the highest level of sexual excitement. You learn your likes and dislikes, you evolve together, and when you are in the peak of your excitement there is nothing better.

So monogamy is probably dead in the eyes of a lot of people, but there are definitely still people out there who believe in being committed to only one person. I am one of them.

Just thought I should mention I am single! 

Sean Dillon


Sean Dillon, 20, Perth freelance journalist

Let’s say you love chocolate ice-cream. You live for chocolate ice-cream. You’d name your first-born Chocolate Ice-Cream if it weren’t for fear of social scrutiny. Your infatuation is so unfaltering that you’d happily take a bullet for that calorie-laden tub of goodness.

While it remains a staple of your freezer, is it so wrong that you occasionally pop down to your local ice-cream parlour for a scoop of pecan, just to mix things up a little? Is it so dreadful that you complement the richness of chocolate with the delicacy of good old-fashioned vanilla every once in a while? Exploring unfamiliar tastes and flavours only heightens your opinion of chocolate ice-cream. If anything, it makes you appreciate it more. It builds upon your existing relationship, and both of you are better because of it.

As a generational product of geo-social dating apps, I’ve thought long and hard about the concept of monogamy and its role in my future. Is it dead or on the way out? This young man is timidly nodding his head in agreement. 

The problem is, we’re too quick to align monogamy with the idea of love – that monogamy is the ultimate end-goal of romance.

If history is anything to go by, the homosexual community revolves around the upheaval of tradition, and perhaps in our journey toward acceptance, we forgot to criticise our own practices. We didn’t realise that we’d jumped on the bandwagon of monogamy, a tired social construct of heterosexuality that permeated our very own definition. Because of this, it seems as though we’re trying to fit into a pair of jeans that are a size too small just because everyone else is wearing them, and boy, do they look atrocious.

So from where I’m sitting, monogamy just ain’t for us, and our interaction with apps such as Grindr is a testament to that.

Does this mean that love is on the way out as well? Certainly not. It’s sprouting up all around us, blossoming with a renewed vibrancy that surpasses hatred and diligently brushes aside outdated legalities.

As we carve out the path ahead of us, we shouldn’t try to suppress our movement away from monogamy. We’re living proof that suppression is idiotic anyway. Instead, we should strip the stigma away from having more than one lover – and the notion that doing so is innately damaging – in the same way we’ve tackled other roadblocks that have presented themselves in the past.

Monogamy is a philosophy that may or may not have a place within your life. If it doesn’t, and as long as no one is getting hurt in the process, sit back and enjoy the ride. We’ve spent too much time prejudicially placed in the shadows not to enjoy love and sex in all of its vast and beautiful forms.


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